Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
