someone get that fucking seahorse.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
MIDGETS
????
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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