we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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