so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
