Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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