You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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