apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize