People in love make me want to vomit
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
