Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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