i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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