You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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