My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize