dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
