Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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