5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
