just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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