3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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