It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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