11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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