my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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