Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
