1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
