dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
