Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
