id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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