I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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