why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize