Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
