how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ttyl tear gas
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
