She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
