I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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