i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
