Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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