You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Floor bacon is actually really good
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize