sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
