We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
