Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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