either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
