Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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