so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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