Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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