i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
