TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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