I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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