Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
