All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
