In the future we'll all be gay
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
