Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
