Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
