I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
