I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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