My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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