First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
