i'm signing you up for texting rehab
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
