So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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