Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
