i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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