Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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