Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
