It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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