He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
