just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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