How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
