My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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