Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
