Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
