He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
birth control should be required to get into college
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
