Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
