Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
