saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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