Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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