Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
