Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
