It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
